| "She could hardly believe all that was waiting when she finally opened her heart." Positive thinking:
1. I've spent two weeks trying to find the right words.
2. I can't say that I've found them.
3. Maybe one day, it will all make sense.
4. I went to yoga for the first time in months today. It was like a breath of fresh air.
5. I love all of the sayings in yoga: "Heart's center, sun salutations, gather your blessings"
6. Only three more finals. Only three more finals. Only three more finals.
7. I don't want all of this heartache to make me a sad person. I'm not going to let it.
8. "And the world spins madly on." "Stop thinking you need people - get it out of your head. Just live your life, beautifully. Make yourself happy because you're never promised that you'll find someone who can do that for you. And even if you do find that person - you could lose them. Stop depending on anyone else in your life to determine your happiness and start looking in the mirror at the most important one. Just be patient, & in time you'll come across someone that feels right - & without even knowing it you will have picked someone who compliments you, rather than trying to find someone who completes you." 
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| It's always nice to disappear for a while, isn't it? C'est la vie. 
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| I am officially single. My heart feels heavy, and sometimes it's difficult to make sense of it all. I think it's time for me to disappear for a while. Reinvent myself, perhaps. I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. Maybe if I say that enough times, it will eventually be true.  |
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| I'm a realist. I'm a romantic. I'm indecisive. And that's about it. Thoughts:
1. I feel uncharacteristically empty tonight.
2. My polka dot nail polish is chipping.
3. I cried at Toddler's and Tiaras this morning.
4. And a patriotic poem read in my Composition class.
5. And at my sister passing her Dental Hygiene boards.
6. It's safe to say that I'm an over-emotional mess.
7. Sometimes I feel as if I'm not going anywhere in life. Might as well take up permanent residence in this pink walled room.
8. I know this post is going to include a lot of venting. A lot of bitching. And a lot of ugly. Fair warning.
9. I also feel as if everyone is growing up without me.
10. I turn 21 in 4 months. Precisely 4 months from today. I almost wish I could rewind time. Start over.
11. I would do things differently.
12. It's bad to live with regrets, right? How do I let them go?
13. I feel antsy when I haven't finished last months issue of Glamour and this month's issue is already out.
14. Sometimes I just lay upside down from my bed for long periods of time.
15. Thinking.
16. I wonder if one day I'll regret wasting all this time.
17. I wonder if I'll always be wondering.
18. I just really, really, really don't think I want to go to Amarillo College anymore.
19. I think I'm just a big fish in a little pond. Maybe I'm not as special as I think I am.
20. Is it vain to think of myself as special?
21. Whatever.
22. With every line, I keep questioning if I'll post this or not. I guess we'll see.
23. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up happier than ever.
24. I'm crossing my fingers.
25. And my toes. 
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